Jelly Side Down

1. When putting clean sheets on my bed, I can never tell which is the head/foot end of the fitted bottom sheet and which is the side. So, I guess. I stretch from one bottom corner, walk around the bed and try on the second corner. My reasoning is that 50% of the time I should get it right. I'm guessing that somewhere in the universe someone gets it right 100% of the time because I get it wrong 100% of the time.
2. An odd number of socks always comes out of the laundry. Like the sheets, I would expect the laws of probability would deliver an even number of socks 50% of the time. NO! I end up with an unmated sock 100% of the time. I HATE SORTING and FOLDING SOCKS!
3. Just washed and waxed the kitchen floor -- I was 50% done before the dog had an "accident" on it. Happens 100% of the time.
4. At ten in the morning, a school day, I had settled into the recliner to work the puzzles in the morning paper. The house was quiet, I was calm. Ben's bedroom door opened, scaring the s*@# out of me. He walked into the living room looking dazed. I assumed he left the house with Logan and caught the bus. Instead, he lay down "for just a minute, to rest my eyes," and came to at 10 A.M.
   
5. Ben called home an hour later, asking me to check the car for his lost flash drive containing his English essay. Bad news = no flash drive. Good news = clean car. Ben called again saying he had retraced his steps through the high school hallways and found the flash drive on the floor outside the cafeteria.
6. While cleaning out my car, I opened the garage door not knowing Oreo was in the garage. She escaped without me noticing. Several hours later, I realized she was missing and went out searching the neighborhood in the car. Found cold (it's 17 degrees on the thermometer) and bedraggled dog trotting down the middle of the street a block away. Thank goodness I found her before the boys got home.
7. A reasonable thing to do on a day like today would be to return to the recliner with a four-olive martini. But, I'm out of vermouth! No one (but me) ever runs out of vermouth!