And Yet My Heart Sings

The house deal is all but dead. The buyers failed to get the loan they had applied for and were unable to close. The "all but" part is they are still trying to get a loan and still want to buy the house. And I still want them to have it. I already rented the house I hoped to move to and if the deal collapses (which realistically speaking, it has) I will have to break the lease, move back the few things I had moved in, and lose a couple thousand dollars. That really sucks. I also moved a bunch of stuff to a storage facility which I won't need. And I really like the house I rented. That's the part I'm having a hard part shaking. I can envision living there and I want to!

So, I could be righteously depressed. But, I'm not. I had a phone call from Ben yesterday to let me know he has been accepted into UC Davis's BUSP program. BUSP is Biology Undergraduate Scholars Program. It is designed to track EOP kids for PhD programs in the biological sciences. So, as friend Sharon suggested, that makes it Ben's Uber Special Program. Yes, I'm very excited that he has been accepted into this program which will get him into some research-track classes including two special summer school classes at the end of his freshman year. These classes are FREE and he will be given a stipend to help defray living costs. During his sophomore year he will have the opportunity to work for PAY on a research project. And that is all very good news. But, the best part is knowing he is realizing his dream. And that makes my heart sing.

Doing the Limbo

We are still in limbo, waiting to see whether the sale of our house will go through. It is exasperating and fattening. I spend my days wandering around the house wondering if I should continue packing or start unpacking. In the meanwhile, I dust the tops of the packed boxes lining the walls of every room.

I can't really clean, everything is topsy-turvy, so I am cooking instead -- trying to use up food in the cupboards and freezer. I'm really strapped for cash because of (non) moving costs and paying for two places. Using up food on hand helps conserve grocery money, but it also results in meals of marginal nutritional value: lots of carbs, tortillas, pasta, potatoes and low on fresh fruit and veggies.

I haven't packed my sewing machine, but some of my sewing stuff is already at the other house, so I can do a limited amount of sewing, but not the projects I really want to work on, ones that would make me happy.

Just one more week and I'll know. I will have to pull the plug on the deal if it doesn't close by next Friday.

Ben is also in limbo, but his is a happier place. He has completed his four-week STEP orientation program and is awaiting the official beginning of the fall quarter with first classes on September 26. He'll spend the intervening time at Valery's. Move in date for his new residence hall is September 22. This break required that he move completely out of the room he had been living in, pack up his stuff, shlepp it over to Valery's and then move it back to campus on the move-in date. I'm thankful Valery has been able to help him with this. He is more enthusiastic than ever about where he is and what he is doing and I am even more certain it is the right thing and the right place for him. I sense that he is happy and confident.

Logan's limbo is that zone between being sick and well. He missed two days of school this past week with a cold. He hates to miss school because perfect attendance exempts him from finals. But, he seems to be on the mend today.

I'll try to come up with a happy post next time. Fall is in the air and the weather is perfect, surely that will cheer me up!

Overwhelmed and Losing it, Loosely Wrapped and Unraveling

I have been on the edge of hysteria for at least a week now. Well, that's not entirely true, at least three times I've gone over the edge and plunged into the depths. Life is really complicated right now and it requires lots of planning, coordination, and physical work. I need lots of help and as always, I have a tough time asking for it.
So far, I have blown up at Logan, Steve Maples, and my car. If any of the rest of you come into the line of fire in the next few weeks, please know I appreciate you being there for whatever reason and please know that if I blow up, it's probably about me, not you.

 What's eating me?

• I have to be ready for the movers on Saturday.
• Logan is also overwhelmed with balancing the demands of a job and the rigorous IB program at school. He spends every waking moment he is at home working on his school computer or with his nose in a book.
• Danny's hours limit his availability to help.
• Both boys are never available at the same time, so the two-man jobs aren't getting done.
• Rachel is constantly on my mind and in my heart. Chemo is not easy and she and Kevin have way too many stresses in their lives. 
• My physical strength is very limited. I can do only a small amount of work and then must rest.
• The Maples clan is all absorbed in grieving the loss of Julia's father and attending his funeral on the other side of the state.
• It's been bloody hot.
• I still have tons of sorting, selling, storing, and tossing to do.
• I miss Ben.

On the other hand:

• I'm so looking forward to living in a smaller, more manageable house.
• I can't wait to reduce my inventory of stuff (by sorting, selling, and tossing).
• The weather is pleasant. I don't think I've ever moved when the weather is decent -- it's always been during a terrible storm or a killer heatwave. 
• People are helping me.
• Most of the people I've offended will forgive me.
• This too, will pass.

In the meanwhile, I will practice as many avoidance techniques as I can muster:

• Blogging
• Re-reading a book from my childhood
• Playing solitaire mindlessly

I'm open to suggestions for any other distractions.