Batteries Not Included

I’m old. Don’t argue with me, I’m proud of it. It took me a long time to get here. Why do people always want to disagree when you declare you’re old? “You’re only as old as you think you are;” “you don’t look near your age;” “you’re young at heart;” “age is a state of mind;” et cetera, ad nauseam.

 I don’t mind being old. It has some real advantages. I don’t menstruate; I can’t get pregnant; I won’t lose my job; I get to pre-board airplanes (when not in the middle of a pandemic); I get discounts; people make way and help me without being asked; and I can say nearly anything and people will forgive me because, well, I’m old.

 Don’t get me wrong, there are some inconveniences. Consider getting up in the morning...

 I reach for my glasses on the nightstand and knock them to the floor. Retrieving them is not simple. First, I must detach myself from my Cpap. I turn off the wheezing machine, take off the head gear, and put it on the nightstand. I then remove the chin strap which prevents dry mouth by wrapping my head and chin in Lycra. I’m hoping the strap does double duty in mitigating the droop of my sagging chin(s). 

Back to picking up my glasses -- they are out of reach and my knees don’t function very well, so I hoist myself from bed to the wheelchair, I try to bend over to snag them but realize I am risking tumbling to the floor, so I wisely wheel myself out to the living room where I left my grabbers. Back to the bedroom, the glasses are retrieved, planted on my nose and the world is a brighter and clearer place. Somehow, being able to see magically improves my hearing a tad. Impaired vision easily solved.

Now that I can see what I'm doing, off to the shower I roll, after gathering towel, ensuring bath seat is in place, retrieving hospital-style walker, checking on supply of body wash and shampoo, and adjusting water temperature. Feels so good to have a clean start on another beautiful day. No need to blow dry my hair, I’m not going anywhere. After brushing my teeth, I insert my partial plate. No one can tell I don’t have a mouth full of pearly whites. 

 But the hearing problem still persists in considerable measure.  I retrieve the hearing aids from their overnight UV cleaning box, brush all their little nooks and crannies with the little brush that I, thankfully, have not dropped on the floor this time. It’s time to replace the batteries. I remove the paper tab and hold them in my hand for a minute to warm them up and thus extend their life. Do you have any idea how long a minute can be? Inserting the batteries, again grateful I did not drop them, I push them into my ear canals and loop them over the top. Having rather small ears, between glasses and hearing aids, it’s getting a bit crowded back there.

 I select and put on my underwear, with a panty shield, just in case...

 I choose pants with a leg wide enough to pull up over my knee to provide easier access to my lower legs for wrapping in Ace bandages. A pullover shirt that doesn’t require fiddling with buttons completes my outfit. I only add accessories if I’m going out – and that hasn’t happened in months. (Editor's note: She says that every few weeks whenever she goes out again.)

 Next steps require assistance. Because of venous stasis, my legs need compression wrapping. Ace bandages are wrapped around both legs from knee to ankle to foot.  When my pant leg is back in place my knee brace is attached to my right leg to add in stability and mobility. 

 Finally, a handful of pills regulate blood pressure, heart rhythm, and cholesterol, topped off with a cup of strong black coffee to jump start my day. My loins and all other parts are girded. Carpe diem!

 Total elapsed time: 90 minutes. 

 I am more of a puzzle than Ikea furniture. I’m thinking of getting a tattoo that says, “Batteries not included. Some assembly required.”

 

Mac and Cheese (Without Ham and Peas)

I'd been thinking there had to be more to Macaroni and Cheese than noodles and cheddar or the blue Kraft box. In years gone by, I prepared a stove top version of the dish for grandkids, Ben and Logan, probably one out of every three nights when they were between the ages of five to fifteen. Then I got fancy and added ham and peas to the mix for a one-pot dinner.  Oddly, I don't recall ever serving it to my children, I'm not sure why, perhaps memory fails.

So, in the throes of quarantine gluttony, I turned to Pinterest (it's what I do when I'm not on FaceBook).  I finally settled on a recipe that called for a ton of four different cheeses and a half ton of whipping cream. Separately, the ingredients sounded delicious and I made the leap to gathering the fixings (not easy when I shop online only twice a month). I wanted to sample an uptown version of good old Mac and Cheese.

The recipe calls for a roux which was really just a bunch of butter fat and four tablespoons of flour, and a pint of whipping cream. And then I added the cheese. My logical mind was telling me that this was a lethal dose of fat and the cooking odors alone could be fatal. But, my quest for a true gourmet Mac and Cheese experience continued. I tried to pour the sauce in all its cheesy glory into the cooked noodles. It had the consistency of molten lava and moved at that speed, which if you live at the base of a volcano is very rapid, but standing over a hot stove was agonizingly slow. Giving up on pouring, I scooped about a third of the mixture into the pasta. It now looked like noodles floating in fondue. Deciding enough was enough, I abandoned the plan to put the whole mess into a baking dish and covered in buttered bread crumbs. It was time for the taste test. My worst fears were realized. It was like eating a cheese-flavored version of the library paste I used to eat in kindergarten and I suspected it would likely have a catastrophic effect on my GI tract. 

I have a lopsided frugality about food. My parents came of age in the depression era and war-time rationing was in effect during my early childhood. I was a proud member of the clean plate club and dutifully thought of the poor starving children in China. So, in my "waste not, want not" convoluted way of thinking, I am willing to buy whatever food I crave, cost be damned, but, I unwilling to throw out leftovers.

And here they are (refrigerated version):

Quarantine Day #124

My quarantine began March 1, but some aspects go back even further. I fell September 2 last year, and  fractured my right tibia and bruised both legs thoroughly from ankle to knee (I have pictures, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to see them). I hobbled around for a couple of months and finally was unable to walk at all in early November. I've been using a wheel chair ever since. So, my world became very much smaller and closely resembled what I am now experiencing in quarantine.

I don't know the date of my last haircut, probably sometime in October. Hair hanging in my face drives me crazy, so I've adopted a Pipi Longstocking coiffure. What you don't see in the picture is the mullet formed by the hairs that refused to be bunched up. Pretty goofy, but it's become my go-to daily hair style.

February 16 was the day I last set foot in a restaurant. Sister Valery and I had lunch with brother Rick -- the first time I had seen him since he and wife Kathy split up. And shopping at Trader Joe's sometime before the first of March, was the last time I set foot in a grocery store.

I now do all my shopping online, using e-cart for groceries and Amazon for just about everything else. Ben picks up the groceries and my prescriptions from CVS. But it really doesn't feel much different and I don't feel like I'm suffering. I've visited with a few friends and family members sitting outside, maintaining social distance and using masks as appropriate. No shared food. On a few occasions people have come into my home briefly. Upon their departure, I run around with Clorox wipes and Lysol spray.

All that said, I am not suffering, I don't feel deprived. My (inadequate) income continues. And like always, I sew, read, cook, write, and pay rapt attention to politics and social movements.

Here's my mask inventory for sale: all are adult size, have nose wires, and soft elastic bands that fit over the ear. I'm going to work on some smaller sizes and a couple of different styles in the near future. I have several of each of those in the bottom picture. The top ones are one of a kind at the moment, but I have more of the same fabrics and will be making more.