Giving

I am by nature a giver. There is nothing heroic about it. Psychologically, I am probably seeking approval or love because I don't feel I got it from my mother (she had her own burden). It is not in me to solicit gifts. I married a man who was incapable of giving because he too, was so needy. That's not to say I do without -- I am also very generous to myself, gifting myself abundantly and frequently. But I love to give. I love to feed people, sitting them down to a pretty table with delicious food. Lately, I have enjoyed giving people quilts (whether they want them or not!). I enjoy giving things that are a part of me -- something I have made -- put my hands on. It gives me a feeling of connection. None of this is noble or unselfish, it just is.

Today is Valentine's Day. I bought a small box of chocolates for each of the three young men living in my house and left them at their places at the kitchen table. Ben was the first to survey the scene and he quickly concluded the three boxes were for him, Logan, and Danny. But, the first thing he said was, "Grandma, you didn't get any." I don't know if I can write this in a way that lets you know how touched I was. Just the fact of his noticing meant more than a five pound box of chocolates, a dozen roses, and a gallon of perfume.

Happy Valentine's Day.